Why I am Ambivalent

I am very ambivalent about the looming opportunity to leave my job for another one of higher status and increased pay. I have figured out why.

When I decided to get my Masters, I was counseled to NOT get it in accounting. My counselor, a woman who was serving as Interim Executive Director, said I knew accounting well and didn't need more skills in that area. She suggested that I should use a Masters program to expand my skills, and study management. I have done so, and my understanding of organizations has grown. I am taking a wider role at work as a manager, and have been able to make contributions that I think have been helpful.

In my gut, I perceive the other position that is dangling like a carrot on a string as a narrower position. It is an accounting supervisor position, and I believe that it is wholly concerned with keeping the alternate reality known as an accounting system in order, and capable of surviving an audit unscathed.

No interaction with programs. No customer service except for organizational departments with accounting needs. Little contact with anyone other than the organization's management team.

Honestly, if I could get a raise from my agency that was above and beyond the cost of living to recognize my increased credentials and role in the organization, I would be much happier to stay where I am. My world is so much wider.

The trouble is, giving up more money for a wider scope has negative consequences. I have to borrow more money to send my daughter to college. My pension at retirement will be smaller. All of this means a narrower scope in my life outside of the office. The issue of the pension is especially troubling, as this has consequences that last for the rest of my life.

My husband is telling me that if I get that job, I can get a brand new Honda Fit to drive. Meaning that we would be in a position to give our daughter the Saturn.

Money truly is the devil.


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